Reformed Romance

UNWIND by Neal Shusterman

2012-05-22T21:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes a novel makes me want to throw up. As in, "did they really have someone in Medieval Europe say 'OK.' ?" I think I'll throw up. Rarely is a novel so well written that I feel nauseated. Laughing really hard at Bill Bryson might do it - but then again that's not a novel. I know what you're thinking: Thanks for this Lissa, thoughts on vomit. Nice.
Okay (and I can say that un-anacronistically), here's the point. I just read the most amazing, horrifying, plausible, chilling, clinical, gentle, rational, haunting scene I've ever read. I may have nightmares, I still might throw up. Neal Shusterman is amazing.
Unwind is not his newest book, but it seems that it IS being made into a movie. The premise is, that after a war over the Pro-Life/Pro-Choice issue, children are not allowed to aborted. BUT, between the ages of 13-18 they can be "unwound" provided all their body parts are still alive. They call it "transitioning to the divided state." Parents sign their kids up for unwinding for a variety of reasons, troublesome behavior, economic reasons etc. Of course nobody wants to be unwound. Unless you're a tithe. But that's the story you need to read. The story of three runaway "Unwinds" and what happens to them.

I think one of the things I so admire about Shusterman is his perfect parceling out of the information. You hear rumors of things - things mentioned that everyone knows about - but the reader is in the dark until things are revealed. And they are revealed at just the right time to keep the story going. I read this one day. That's a story kept going for you. I don't want to tell you what the horrible scene was, I want you to go to the library and keep the name SHUSTERMAN in your frontal cortex (okay - whichever part is active) and go find UNWIND in the young adult fiction section. Have fun.

By The Cover: Chucks

2012-03-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with Chucks. No, not Chuck Norris. No, not Chuck's - it's plural: Chucks. As in Chuck Taylor the shoe designer. The shoes themselves take his name: Chuck Taylors. Chucks. I'm so in love with them, I dress my youngest sons (18 months and 4 years) in them. The oldest wouldn't do it. He wanted Vann's. But then, later when he saw how cool his brothers looked he repented and wished that he had asked for Chucks. HA!

But here's how pathetic my love for Chuck Taylors is. When I see a book with his shoes on the front (they're really retro, and look good on boys or girls although they make your feet look long) cover (yes back to the original sentence). I have to check it out from the Library. Fortunately Chucks haven't made it to the Romances of Raunchiness turntables yet or I'd be in real trouble. So far, what I've found has been in the Young Adult Section. The Romeo and Juliet Code was wonderful and it WASN'T a tragic love story rewritten. Romeo and Juliet are a relatively minor plot point! Today at the library I nabbed The Boy on Cinnamon Street, which is also by Phoebe Stone.

Based on this very scientific method of book choice I'd also like to read:

Deep Down Popular by (you guessed it!) Phoebe Stone

Lexapros and Cons (isn't that an awesome title? TWO things I love) by Aaron Karo. Which, now that I've read the blurb really does seem pretty interesting.

The Total Tragedy of a Girl Named Hamlet by Erin Dionne

The Lonely Hearts Club by Elizabeth Eulberg (This one barely gets into the list because only 25% of the shoes on the cover look like they might be Chucks. Hey I don't say the rule is good, I just make them...wait).

Love and Leftovers by Sarah Tregay

Gone Gone Gone by Hannah Moskowitz

There's a whole article on the Chucks on covers phenomenon at 100 Scope Notes. Soon, I won't even read the book, I'll just recommend it! So, what makes YOU want to pick up a book?

Archetype on Rye

2011-09-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

By Lissa

Well, I've been steadily chipping away at my YA sci-fi and I don't know if I'm just not very creative or what, but I feel like I rely heavily, and consciously on archetypes: the villain, the stooge, the thug, the oracle, the beauty, the sidekick. All characters fit into archetypical categories because all characters have a purpose. If it doesn't have a purpose it doesn't have an archetype and chances are, are pretty forgettable. With this in mind, I'm deciding to roll with it. Look at me, not caring that I purposefully look for archetypes to fill my story with!

So it's starting to look like just building a really tasty sandwich. Assemble your ingredients: Location, plot, a schmear of description, all those meaty archetypes, some slices of humor for extra flavor, some garlic (really every story needs some garlic. I don't care how you work it in, just work it in). Now carefully layer salty and sweet and crunchy and soft so it's nicely balanced. (Are you getting hungry? Craving Schlotszky's?) Then at the end you cut it open down the middle so you can see how everything makes sense, or leave it whole if you like to take it in in three or four bites.

Easy peasy rice and cheesy.

Except it's not. The meats all keep slipping around, and then you notice the expiration date was past on your humor, so you've got to take that out and find some more, and sometimes you slather on too much description so you have to wipe it off with a paper towel, and then your husband comes in and freaks out because he hates mayonaisse (wait - got off track there), and you're using a location you've never actually been to so it does funny things to your sandwich and ON and ON! Until you want to throw it all in the trash and go out to eat. So you sort of do. You take a little break, read a new novel, or better yet some interesting non-fiction from which you happen to latch on to the smallest detail. But it's THE DETAIL you needed. That one little pinch of spice that will bring your sandwich that much closer to being delicious.

I'm off now.

Off to make a sandwich.

With a side of self-congratulation when I'm done.

Impossible by Nancy Werlin, Review

2011-09-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

Hello, Lissa here. I’m introducing myself because usually it’s my sister Corrie who blogs, I got sort of distracted with a moving and a new baby last year. I’m purposefully reading more YA fiction these days because the authors there are so creative. Tons of dystopias (of which Corrie is a huge fan), fairy-tale retellings (more my style), and action novels (that I can’t quite bring myself to read yet) to amuse you.

So let’s get started!

Impossible by Nancy Werlin

Synopsis: Present day Lucy deals with being a foster daughter whose real mother is homeless and mentally imbalanced. Lucy gets raped, and pregnant, and then finds that this is all part of a curse placed upon women in her family going back hundreds of years. She, with the help of her foster family, try to do the impossible tasks to break the curse. It's based on the ballad, "Scarborough Fair."

Basics: Two sex scenes. One is a rape. It is not intimately described, but it is disturbing. Also there’s a sex scene between a husband and wife. She doesn’t talk much about it, but it’s “there.” Also a boy you’ve come to like dies suddenly.

This book was a little slow getting started. Some of the plot twists are a little contrived, and Lucy’s relationship with the boy-next-door is a little fuzzy. But Werlin pulls it out with a nicely done narration that doesn’t get in the way, but just keeps the momentum going where it might lag.

Werlin also handles scenes with violence and intimacy with a light hand. You get the right feeling, but without all the messy details. I, for one, think this is a neat trick. Also, she has written the only newly-wed next day scene that exactly describes how I felt on my next day.

If there’s anything she does not so well, it’s the character development at the beginning. She keeps developing everyone right to the end, so by the end you love them, but at the beginning the foster parents are confusing. Once I was convinced the Dad was knitting. Another small glitch was the emotional upheaval after the rape. As a writer I know that sometimes you have to let things go to keep your story moving (not too many of those though), and Lucy’s emotional reaction after being raped was minimal. It’s almost explained away by Lucy purposefully trying to appear recovered, but I thought this should come back up and be dealt with later and it wasn’t.

Abortion is also addressed in this novel in a way I don’t like, but it’s very politically correct. The main character emphatically does not want an abortion, but since that’s a plot point, you can’t really extract any advice from it.

I think my favorite aspect of this novel was the subject matter. I love fairy tales in modern-day guise, (all right anyguise) and this one is done so well. The impossible tasks are completed using science or at least “new world” phenomenon, which explains why the curse hasn’t been broken until now.

That “until now” seems to be a crucial element in good writing (unless you happen to be James Michener). Why is this story being started here? Has the prince declared every maiden shall go to a ball? Has a person smart enough to defeat the enemy aliens finally been located? Have the four humans who will fill the thrones arrived?

In Impossible, Nancy Werlin has achieved the goal that I always have for my writing: surprises that make complete sense.

If you feel, as I do, that abortion is murder and there is always another option, this novel might annoy or anger you. Certainly talk it over if you let your daughter read this book. On the positive side this is a good read for teenage girls, who can handle the idea of rape. It might even make them think twice about how not to get into dangerous situations. On the whole, Werlin has written a story that highlights the strength of family and marriage and delivers a great feel-good, fairy-tale ending.

CIty of Bones or Star Wars?

2011-06-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. It's an action packed Twilight type story (sort of), with some really witty dialogue. It also gives more than a passing nod to Star Wars, with two characters who, come to find out, are brother and sister, and the children of an evil, power-hungry sorcerer. The girl was hidden away by her mother, and neither of them know who they are, or the special powers they have. And of course, it's a major bummer when they fall in love before discovering their relationship. At least, (SPOILER ALERT) that's what you think, until it turns out that, guess what? He's actually not her brother, so, HURRAY, their love isn't incestuous after all!
Now, I enjoyed the angel/demon aspect of the story, and several of the side characters were hysterically funny, but with that in mind, I DIDN'T appreciate her leaving the incest aspect of the story in doubt until the third book. (They don't sleep together, at least, but their love and affection are romantic.) I mean, EWWWWW!

But, that being said, I'll be seeing the movie when it comes out! :-)

Editing and Hummus

2011-06-14T10:07:00.000-07:00

I'm on the second major edit/revision (what's the difference?) of my manuscript, and I'm starting to TWITCH. I sit down in front of my computer, pull child 2 off my ankle, and turn on the TV (no judging! It's Pingu). Then I open the file, and my left eye starts twitchin'. I force myself to use the scroll wheel on the mouse to get past the beginning. Because, obviously, if I use the arrows or the scroll bar it takes TOO LONG and then I get sucked into changing the beginning AGAIN.

So I get down to where I left 'xxxxx' marking the last place I edited. (Currently page 8 of 180.) I read the first sentence, delete it, go to the next sentence, change a word - and suddenly I'm in front of the fridge eating hummus out of the container with a spoon. No lie, this happens. If you write, you TOTALLY know what I'm talking about.
However, I have some good words to say for hummus as a writing tool. As opposed to ice cream or chips or salsa, it doesn't give you a brain freeze, salt tongue, or fast burn (respectively). It feels luxurious (because it's EXPENSIVE - that's the only problem with this), but it doesn't cause the same can't-stop frenzy as oreos or (shudder of ecstasy) Nutella.

Plus, if you get the roasted garlic type (my favorite) you get this great garlic breath with which to keep your family at bay while you try to write.

Just take a deep breath, exhale, and suddenly you've got a three foot radius around your keyboard. It's awesome. Give it a try.

What are your favorite writing foods/luxuries?

The M Dash of Horror

2011-06-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Don Knuth, Professor Emeritus, Stanford

I dreamed about grammar. I had a whole dream (one of those freaking long ones that seem to last all night even though you wake up to go to the bathroom) about grammar. And the worst part – the m dash.

A few days ago I read this post by Noreen Malone on how we should STOP overusing the m dash – mainly because it's just annoying. (That's an m dash, right up there). It's called an m-dash because it's the length of an m – as opposed to the n - dash which is the length of an n -.

So after I read her article, because I'm a good little student, I searched for all the dashes in my story. 178 occurrences. That – my friends – is quite a few. Hence, my nightmare in which someone forced me to delete all my badly punctuated sentences and destroyed most of my novel. It was painful!

I woke up feeling both hurt and belligerent, which is such fun for my husband.

The problem is that there are very few hard rules for the m dash, so I can use it all day without wondering whether it's a mistake. Well, according to Ms. Malone, that attitude is a mistake in itself. People use the m dash instead of , ; or : out of laziness.

So – here I go to rid my WIP of the m dashes that rendered sleep hideous a few nights ago. Wish me luck!

Incarceron by Catherine Fisher

2011-05-24T22:21:00.000-07:00

Incarceron is the story of an immense, intelligent prison that can change its form at will. Generations ago a select group was put in the prison and sealed up forever. The purpose: to create a perfect society, unmarred by the 'chaos of man.' As you expect, it has turned into one hell of a scary...well, hell. But one prisoner suspects he hasn't been there very long at all, though his memories have been wiped. As he tries to escape he makes contact with someone outside the prison...something that has never happened before. And Incarceron is determined not to let him escape.

The thousands of people in the prison are struggling (and often failing) to survive. In this bleak environment, Fisher explores the idea that people carry evil with them. (In other words, original sin.) Faced with the opportunity, many of the people in Incarceron will betray, murder, steal, and lie.

It sounds dark, but it was actually rather refreshing. So many stories center on the poverty-stricken but good-hearted hero. Like somehow poverty alone is a cleansing force. But the fact is, if you start with sinful people (and I believe in original sin), poverty will only highlight the sin. Rich people can hide their greed, selfishness, and violence. Poverty often exposes them. Of course, if you start with someone who is forgiven, who has compassion and kindness and humility - poverty will sometimes bring that out too.

Fisher's hero, trapped in this prison but not having grown up there - is radically influenced by his environment. He is a kind person- but he lets a woman who saved his life get killed. He has good morals, but fear and confusion cause him to act cowardly more than once. I liked him right away, and it was painful and also exhilarating to see him try to overcome not only Incarceron, but also his own weakness, his own evil.

I don't know whether the author is a Christian or not, but I thought this was a fascinating character study from that perspective.

Fuzzy Nation

2011-05-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

John Scalzi's newest book Fuzzy Nation is a great Saturday afternoon read. Think The Pelican Brief meets Avatar - but really funny. My favorite character was Carl, the main guy's dog - which in most books would be a scathing indictment of the rest of the characters, but here is just a big compliment to Scalzi's ability to make everybody likable. This book doesn't have the emotional depth of his Old Man's War series, but is a fun, light read. If you have teenagers getting into scifi, this could be a great pick.
I got the Kindle edition and inhaled it on my iphone. Then (woohoo!) my husband and I got to see Scalzi in person when his book tour brought him to LA. So exciting! (I'm not jaded to celebrities yet, despite living in beautiful, downtown Burbank.) I think I'll devote another post to Scalzi's book signing event, and all the things I learned there.
Adios!

Matched by Allie Condie

2011-02-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

I read a new young adult dystopia this week, and LOVED it. As usual. I just can't get me enough dystopia these days. (For dystopia -think 1984, Brave New World, Minority Report, like that.)

In Matched, a 17-year-old girl is mistakenly matched (betrothed) to the wrong boy, and then quickly matched to another. As she struggles to understand this "mistake" in the context of her ultra-controlled and scientific world, a whole new side of life opens up to her. She sees the benefits of her perfect society, but suddenly the injustice and terror of the system are also visible.

What worked for me in this story? The language was beautiful, which isn't exactly what you expect in a dystopian story. It reminded me of A Room with a View by E.M. Forster, one of my all time favorite books and movies. They're both dark and lyrical and just gorgeous.

For instance, this quote in A Room With A View has been my favorite since my sister Lissa wrote a paper on it in highschool.

"She gave up trying to understand herself, and the vast armies of the benighted, who follow neither the heart nor the brain, and march to their destiny by catch-words. The armies are full of pleasant and pious folk. But they have yielded to the only enemy that matters—the enemy within. They have sinned against passion and truth, and vain will be their strife after virtue..."

The girl in Matched is also losing herself, as she chooses to conform to her culture. (I drool to write so well.)

"The flood may bear me far.
If I had kept the poems from Grandfather, I'd be riding on a flood that I couldn't stop. I did what I had to do; I did the right thing. But it is as though the rain outside pours on me, too, eroding my relief and leaving only regret: The poems are gone, and I can never get them back."

"The hall is empty, long, the floor slick surfaced from a recent cleaning. Yet another place where I cannot run. [...] I walk down the hall, setting my feet precisely on the tile, careful, careful, not to slip, not to fall, not to run while they are watching."

Great book. Read it.

How dominoes are like organizing a novel

2011-02-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, I was playing with my toddlers and a set of colorful dominoes this morning. It was quite the task for them to count a set of dots and hold onto that number long enough to find a match. But eventually we managed to get all 42 dominoes in a square, all matching and connected. (For you dominoes afficianados, I separated out everything over a double six.)

Then this afternoon I was working on my WIP (work in progress) trying to rearrange and fix the plot. I have four main characters, 8 viewpoint characters, and about 3 plot lines. I need to simplify, obviously. But even when it's simplified, I have a lot of jumps in setting, character, and story. How to help my readers make each of these jumps?

I messed around for a while, and suddenly, things started making sense. Scene 6 ended with Natsuki, scene 9 began with her. I moved scene 9 backward. A match!

Scene 9 ends in the hospital. Scene 3 is in a hospital. I moved Scene 3 up, and viola - another match!

I've been dealing with the chronology of this story for a week, and suddenly it's shaping up. I've read a lot about how to keep continuity in a novel, and all I needed was a few dominoes to crystalize my thinking.

Ha ha! Success.

How to Train Your Dragon

2011-01-20T16:33:00.000-08:00

I really loved this blog post from Femina, A Spirited Rider, comparing little girls and their emotions to a little girl riding a powerful and beautiful horse. She tells a story to her girls about the horse God gave them (their emotions), and how they will ride it their whole life.

"When our emotions act up, it is like the horse trying to jump the fence and run down into a yucky place full of spiders to get lost in the dark. A good rider knows what to do when the horse tries to bolt – you pull on the reigns! "

Later she says:
"The goal is not to cripple the horse, but equip the rider. A well controlled passionate personality is a powerful thing. That is what dangerous women are made of."

However, little boys aren't usually as besotted with the idea of horses as little girls are. I was trying to think of a good comparison and the recent movie came to mind - How To Train Your Dragon.

Dragons are testy things, and sometimes scary. Fighting them or running from them isn't a very winning prospect. But if you can train your dragon - wow! Suddenly a little boy with a strong dragon is a hero. In fact, if you have a really puny dragon, or one that you can't control in the air - you're doomed. The biggest hero is the one with the best trained dragon. I think that's the story I'll tell Silas.

Silas isn't terribly emotional as little boys go, but every toddler is faced with emotions stronger than they are. Sometimes his get the better of him. I hope I can teach him how to be a good dragon rider. :-)

P.S. I just finished reading Loving the Little Years, by Rachel Jankovic - who wrote the Spirited Rider article. It's hands down the best parenting book I've read in the last three years. Check it out!

Now listen up! I'm in charge here! (or negotiating with your throat)

2010-10-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

I had strep throat this week. It went something like this.

I walk into the kitchen in the middle of the night, to take more antibiotics.

"Alright now, little throat, it's time to swallow."
"Yeah, um, no way."
"This is penicillin, it'll make you feel better."
"Ha! (ow) You said that last time."
"Well, it's true this time."
"You said that about the tylenol, the advil, even the azithromycin! You're a liar!"
"You have to swallow." I'm stern now. "This hurts me just as much as it hurts you."
"That's stupid. I won't."Throat is sullen.
"Just do it!"
"You can't make me!"

solccoheelchsekk. Wipe watering eyes.

"Alright, I can't make you. Yet."

Take another gulp of water, holding my nose.

"Huh. I got two big tonsils and a couple lymph nodes that say that water ain't coming in here."
Throat is right. Water explodes into the sink.

"Darn you, stupid throat! What am I supposed to.... Oh, wait! Look over there! Is that an ear infection?!"

"What? Really? Where?"

Pills. Gulp. Stabbing pain.

"AHAHHAHA! (ow) I fooled you! Take that!"

"Oh, shut up already."

We go back to bed. Round 42 to me.

I Am Legend

2010-08-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading I Am Legend, the basis for the recent Will Smith movie. I also read Size 12 is Not Fat by Meg Cabot (of Princess Diaries fame). Hard to imagine two books with a more dissimilar tone - but I enjoyed them both.

I Am Legend is a post-apocalyptic tragedy... extremely well written. The protagonist is immune to the vampire plague that swept through the world. He's the only human left, completely alone. The first vampire he ever had to kill was his wife, when she tried to kill him. Ever since then, in an effort to convince himself that what he did was necessary and justified, he has been killing vampires. Day in and day out, he slaughters them while they're sleeping, in a coma like state where they cannot defend themselves. At night, there are always some who come to try and kill him. As the story progresses, we start to realize that many of the 'vampires' are still people, trying to go about their lives. They're working on a pill that reduces their need for blood, they're working on going outside in the sunlight. They live with their wives and husbands and children. They are a new society. Meanwhile the protagonist still goes from house to house, killing the vampires in their sleep - and becoming a legend of horror, a psychotic mass murderer terrorizing innocent people. When he finally realizes what is happening, he gives himself up to the new government, and is shot and killed.

It sounds unutterably depressing, but it's so well done, I was fascinated. Plus, I like dystopian stories (like 1984 and Brave New World and Hunger Games), and post-Apocalyptic ones (The Postman, The Day of the Triffids) - and I Am Legend fits in with the best of them.

Size 12 is Not Fat is a fun murder mystery. Heather Wells is a teen-pop-artist (think Miley Cyrus) turned overweight college student. Though, as she sometimes tells people, and frequently reminds herself, size 12 is not fat. It's the size of the average American women. When two girls in her dorm die, supposedly after elevator surfing (jumping from the top of one elevator to another) she suspects foul play. Her investigation is hampered by her former fame, her former ex, and her current crush ... who all still think of her as a silly blonde teen star. It's very gutsy and humorous, though the voice was so much like Princess Diaries that I had trouble remembering this was a different story. Still, if you like that kind of thing, this is a fun read.

Read My Novel !!!

2010-08-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Yay!! I finally finished my first story to a point where I would LOVE to have my friends read it! And tell me what you think, too. :-)

Go to www.reformedromance.com. You can read it online, or download the pdf to your computer.

The Aspen Experiments is about Dara, a junior in high school, whose parents have just gone to the mission field. She chooses to go to a boarding school instead, where strange things start happening. She suddenly has a mysterious (and totally embarrassing) illness, and when she goes to the school doctor, things just get worse. He thinks Dara might be perfect for a dangerous experiment he's running.

That's the short version. I'd love to have all of you read it! (Particularly if you're a teenage girl, remember being a teenage girl, or have one of your own.) And obviously, I hope you enjoy it.

Though I do want to say - it's a teen romance and scifi story. If that's not your cup of tea, don't feel like you've got to drag yourself through it for me. I know you love me anyway. :-)

Thanks!
Corrie

www.reformedromance.com

Top 5 for In & Out

2010-05-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

Most. Wonderful. Things. About In N Out.

5. They sweep up junk, like all the time! A guy came and swept under Silas tonight while we were still eating! Wow. And he didn't have a martyred or carefully neutral expression on his face either. He took our extra trash too.

4. Protein Style! This is awesome for celiac people, or if you're just trying to count points for Weight Watchers. I can get a really good burger for 8 points! How workable is that! Carl's Junior: 14 to 22 points. Plus their fries and shakes are awesome too.

3. Our mother's day dinner: $11.96. Enough said, right?

2. Verses! Okay, I know a single verse reference isn't going to slap anyone into heaven, but hey, if I'm gonna buy some French Fries I'd just as soon have John 3:16 on it. I've heard this practice belittled, but I see it like this: If In&Out printed book and page numbers of great quotes from Harry Potter or Twilight, can you imagine how those fans would love it? In&Out probably wouldn't gain any new readers, it'd just be an inside joke for people who were already fans. So as a fan of the Bible, I'm happy to be in on it.

And, the number one reason I love In & Out..... drumrolll.......

1. The small lids fit on the water cups! WOW! For those of you who don't get water at fast food places - usually it's a little clear plastic cup that holds about a tablespoon and a half of water and is way too small for any of the lids. That's all well and good (if you don't mind hogging the fountain for 5 minutes to quench your thirst) unless you have little kids who need a lid and a straw. At In&Out, they fixed it! Lid and straw, no problem! I could cry.

Happy Mother's Day.

Romancing History, by Elisabeth Waxler

2010-05-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

Winning by several lengths the race for “My Favorite Author,” is Georgette Heyer. Not only did she write romance with humor and wit, not only did she invent the Regency Romance genre, she wrote with painstaking attention to historical detail. As an avid reader (or perhaps rabid reader) of her work, I have become familiar with the names of the royal family at large during the Regency period: from the Duke of Clarence who proposed to Sophy (The Grand Sophy) to “Prinny” (the nickname attached to George IV during his regency for his insane father), who tries to seduce Judith (Regency Buck) in his Brighton Pavilion. As well as I came to know these names, I really didn’t know anything else until I began to read Victoria, The Young Queen by Monica Charlot.

I usually don’t enjoy the first chapter of biographies because they address the antecedents of whoever the biography is about. I, in a rush, immediately get confused by grandparents and second cousins of note. This time, however, I thoroughly enjoyed the set up to Queen Victoria’s birth. I knew about all these people! I already knew that the Duke of York’s wife was really strange. Now I learned that she was Princess Frederica of Prussia and that she and the Duke of York never had any children. Charlot says, “this was really just as well.” In Frederica, Heyer goes wholesale by referring to the “spate of royal marriages,” and national fears for the death of Queen Charlotte. The truth was that with the death of insane George III and the ascension of George IV (one of fifteen children, seven of whom were sons); the nation was without a single heir. The only married sons of George III were not going to get heirs anytime soon (for various reasons – or they would have already), so all the unmarried ones began a race to the altar. About a year later, there were three duchesses pregnant at the same time.

Heyer was meticulous with the non-royal also. In The Grand Sophy she mentions the failure of the marriage of Lady Caroline Lamb in connection with Melbourne House, and later someone says, “that fellow Byron has a lot to answer for.” Any Austen-lover is aware of Captain Benwick’s love for Byron in Persuasion. His love for poetry has led to a depression after the death of his fiancée. Anne Eliot advises him to read more prose to lift his spirits. In a biography I learned that when Victoria became queen, the Prime Minister was a man named William Lamb, Lord Melbourne. Years earlier, when he was twenty-six, he married Lady Caroline Ponsonby, who became Lady Caroline Lamb. It seems that her sanity was not well-grounded. For instance, she began tearing at her wedding dress in nervousness when her wedding went long. Her behavior became increasingly erratic and she was eventually pushed over the edge by an affair and later rejection by the fickle Byron.

The reason I have forced this history lesson on everyone is because I like history. I like to find ends that link up to each other. I love that the story of Queen Esther, One Night with the King links up to the famous battles between Greece and Persia, most notably the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC. I enjoyed learning about Lenin and Engels in Russia because it explained Orwell’s 1984. I was exhilarated to stumble across King Dermot MacMurrough while researching my novel placed in 12th century Suffolk. He was the seed for the English-Irish problems (to put it mildly) that still linger now 800 years later. It’s hard for me as an American to imagine a conflict more than twice as old as my nation. Of course I couldn’t resist putting him in the story even though it was unlikely he was ever anywhere near Suffolk. And of course the best pedigree of all, the historic plays of William Shakespeare. My favorite is Henry V. Katherine of Valois, after giving birth to Henry VI and being widowed by Henry V, marries a chap by the name of Owen Tudor. Yes, that Tudor. She is Henry VIII’s grandmother and an ancestor of the character Jane Studdock in That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis.

Just now, I am very excited about “The Young Victoria” (now playing in select cities) which led to my checking out the least intimidating-looking biography at my library. Before that I had only read Queen Victoria’s Sketchbook by Marina Warner, which is equally about her life as an artist, and her life. In Charlot’s biography I am 1/3 of the way through Victoria’s life and all the events I see in the trailer are corroborated. In the new movie, Victoria will be played by Emily Blunt (whom I am not familiar with at all), Albert by Rupert Friend (still not familiar but seems to be in a lot of period flicks), Melbourne by Paul Bettany (Chaucer in “A Knight’s Tale”, and the imaginary friend of Russell Crowe in “A Beautiful Mind”). Perhaps best of all, Mrs. Tweedie of “Chicken Run” will be the overbearing Duchess of Kent – or perhaps I should say the voice of Mrs. Tweedie: Miranda Richardson!

I encourage everyone to read a little about Queen Victoria before you go see the movie. Even if it’s from the junior high section (sometimes those are distilled beautifully). Or failing that, pick up Dickens, a Bronte, or Christina Rosetti (my favorite poet) to imbibe a little of the flavor of the Victorian period, and absorb a little history! Because the next best thing to Romance is romantic History, and though the best way to learn about that is nonfiction, the next best way to learn about it is a good movie!

Humor in The Dresden Files, by Corrie Garrett

2010-05-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Twilight isn’t funny. Against my better judgment I REALLY like that series. But it isn’t very funny. Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files are hilarious. I don’t love the violence and sex in his stories, but I happily put up with it for the fantastic voice and humor of Harry Dresden. Butcher’s other series, The Furies of Calderon, isn’t funny at all. It has other qualities, I think, but I’ve only read the first book, because I didn’t laugh enough to continue.

I want to be a funny writer, but it’s much more embarrassing to attempt to be funny and fail, than to attempt, say, accuracy and fail. People do that all the time. No big deal. So what’s funny?

The unexpected. That’s what I hear all the time. The problem is how to play that out. You can’t just have a book full of one unexpected thing after another (unless you’re Douglas Adams, who pretty much trampled the unexpected under his feet, leaving only dregs for the rest of us) without getting totally disconnected. Similarly, a character who continually does unexpected things begins to seem stupid or psychotic, or even worse, badly written.

There are several recurring ways in which Jim Butcher’s leading man, Harry Dresden, does the unexpected in a funny way.

Sarcasm is his favorite. Dresden is a purposeful smart-alec, and that continues to be funny into his eleventh book. You think it would get old, and it certainly gets predictable, but somehow it’s still funny. When he’s getting auctioned on eBay (a nice unexpected twist for a wizard) to the highest bidding murderous villain, his comic asides make you chuckle in spite of yourself. Setting seems to be key for sarcasm. If a man is sarcastic at his buddy’s funeral he’s either a jerk, or more likely, he’s hurting and trying to cover up his pain. Either of those might be useful, but they’re certainly not funny.

Dresden is usually sarcastic in the face of extreme personal danger. On occasion however, when he actually gets tortured by vampires or monsters, it’s utterly serious and painful. That helps keeps the stakes high. His sarcasm stays funny because we know he might really get hurt.

Dresden is anti-authoritarian as well, which is also predictable, but done with such determination that the predictability itself becomes funny. Predictability allows us to anticipate his reactions while still enjoying their discordant quality. Perhaps incongruity would be a better word than discordant. The whole world of Harry Dresden is steeped in incongruencies. He’s a wizard P.I. in modern day Chicago. There you go.

Yesterday I read a query letter with a great incongruent hook:
The four horsemen of the apocalypse are here. I’m their administrative assistant.

Or the next story I want to write:
My dad is a civil rights lawyer for werewolves. It’s all fun and games until somebody rips your leg off.

That’s all I have so far.

The other tool Butcher frequently uses is the unexpected or extended metaphor. This is one of the easiest ones to copy.

Samantha’s voice squeaked like the mice in Cinderella. Seriously, I wanted to dance around and make a dress for some subservient house maid.

“Have you ever done voice-acting?” I couldn’t help asking.

“Cinderella and the mice, right?” she squeaked. “Like I’ve never heard that before.”

Extended metaphor, unexpected reply. So I’m not nearly as good at it as Jim Butcher, but you get the idea. It’s not hard to add a little interest to a dull interchange. Dresden’s metaphors are fantastic and they add a lot to his ‘voice’ in the series.

So, that’s what I’ve got for humor in the Dresden Files: sarcasm, insolence, predictability, and weird metaphors.

Go write funny. (Or not, if you don’t want to.)

Writers Beget Writers, by Elisabeth Waxler

2010-05-01T18:57:00.001-07:00

Writers beget writers. I read the novel “Like Water for Chocolate” when I was a junior in high school. I loved that each chapter began with a recipe. I loved that it opened the shutters to a whole different culture in which magic worked differently than it had for the Brothers Grimm. Years later I wrote my best friend a gift novel and I tried to emulate Esquivel with a device at the beginning of each chapter. Instead of a recipe, I used a shoe. But whether or not I was successful is beside the point. Her greatness birthed my desire to write.

I write to make my family laugh, to make people do something, to make someone feel something.
Will I write a fantastic chase scene like William Goldman? Will I have hysterical characters like Georgette Heyer? Will I make you want to move to Wales like Rosamunde Pilcher? Probably not. Either way I won’t be alone as I write. I have the ghosts of their books standing over my shoulder making suggestions. Dean Koontz’s novels always tell me to put in more description, while Robert Frost stipulates that only the right description will do, Christina Rosetti agrees with him but hopes I’ll try some rhyme and meter as well. Georgette Heyer, Rosamunde Pilcher, and Jane Austen drink tea around my table and toss me a phrase every now and then. I think this is why I have heard so often that if you want to write, you must read.

Read. Read. Read.

This brings us to reading. Before bed my mother would torture her daughters by singing the “Just Read Song.” Tired and smashed against the wall we would be waiting for “The Tawny Scrawny Lion” or Richard Scarry to commence and my mother would begin to sing: “Just Reeeeead, it’ll make you so smaaaaart. Just Reeeeead, it’ll make you so smaaaaaart.”

“Mom!” We would whine. “Just READ!”

“Just Reeeeead, it’ll make you so smaaaaart…”

Eventually she would. I think that is why I’m trying my hand at writing at all (all TRUE writers are now wincing at my lack of commitment), because I’m a reader. You write what you read. I’ve boiled down some characteristics of my favorite authors that I would like to copy.

First: Humor. The books that make me cry, also make me laugh. The books that try to just make me cry are annoying.

Second: Characters. Stock characters, unique characters, static characters, dynamic characters – one should either love them, or love to hate them. Malcolm Gladwell, though he is not a fiction writer has the gift of a good character description. In a few words he can make you feel the humiliation, or triumph of someone in one of his many example stories. What’s more they’re real people.

Third: Purpose. I feel you have to have a purpose before you start writing the story. It helps you know which ghost to listen to. There can be more than one, but the more purposes you have, I’m guessing the harder it is to write well. I tend to read books that want to make you happy, so that’s what I also want to write. Fourth: Judicious Details - the details that let you relate to someone and don’t just tell you what they are wearing. That is one reason I love Rosamunde Pilcher novels – unless she wants you to know – it is very hard to tell of which modern decade she was writing.

It may seem odd that an unpublished authoress has written an essay giving advice on writing. Let us not think of it as advice. Let us think of it as an hypothesis. We’ll see if it works. You, dear reader, may be the judge.

Fashion, really?

2010-04-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Well, Nathan had a great moment. At least, it would have been a great moment for me, he doesn't really care, so I'm appreciating it vicariously. On Easter Sunday he was working in the nursery for me, and his fellow volunteer was recently from Italy. Her husband is going to the seminary here, I think. Anyway, she (this woman from Italy!) actually asked Nathan where he got his shoes. She said she doesn't like a lot of the men's shoes here, but Nathan's were good looking. HA!

And of course they were just from Marshall's ($30 or $40, I think), so maybe she'll go find some for her husband. :-)

Disclaimer: Living in L.A., where average people are a lot more fashionable than average people in a lot of other places, might have given me a bit of an inferiority complex! :-) But this helps...

The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Silas' style

2009-12-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

I thought today I'd post a little video of Silas' impromptu singing/guitar playing. He just loves his music the last few days, particularly when we read books. His guitar and his recorder are the favorites, with occasional excursions into trombone (two chopsticks held up to the mouth, one slides out), violin, bugle (the bell of my clarinet), piano, and horn (an extension tube from our vacuum).

Our abbreviated book goes like this: A very hungry caterpillar eats a strawberry and a leaf, he takes a nap in the sun, he eats a pear, an apple, an orange, a pickle, and some cheese. Then he spins a cocoon and becomes a butterfly. Silas' vocabulary is extending a little faster than his pronunciation, but you get the idea!

From December

Blog blockage

2009-10-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

So I finished my last blog saying that I would post more about my trip. But it's so hard to blog about a whole trip, particularly when I feel like almost everyone who reads this blog (my family) has already heard about it. I could just post a few nice pictures, but I have SO MANY pictures from that week and a half that choosing a few is a huge task. But I don't feel like I can blog anything else until I do that one! But the longer I wait, the more out of the habit of blogging I get. It's a vicious cycle.

So anyway, just to get rid of my blogging constipation - here's a small tribute to my trip.

Papa has some beautiful acreage, and it was particularly green and lush during my visit. When I got off the plane I told my mom, "You know, this is the first heavy rain I've seen in months, since my last visit actually." She said, "Yes, we know, this is the first rain we've had since your last visit too!"

The kiddos really enjoyed the warm wet rain. It felt so weird to play in the rain and not get chilled. I miss Texas!

Grandfather had a great time too. He's a good cuddler, lots of experience with his three girls.

Granny's tractor was a big hit, our last full day. Silas talked about this tractor for days after we got home.

Overall, a good time was had by all. And I miss Texas, though not the humidity.

The Seven Dwarves of Old Clothes

2009-07-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm thrilled to be moving. But packing is the worst. Actually, clothes are the worst. Usually when I think of shopping I happily pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for being an infrequent and frugal shopper. But then when I have to move, and the evidence of sundry unfortunate shopping trips and clothing gifts has to be taken out, catalogued, and dealt with, I realize how bad it's gotten. I've decided to dub the problem the Seven Dwarves of Old Clothes.

Well, we all know Dumpy and Frumpy. It's that cute sweater that somehow screams maternity, even though it's NOT. And then there's the summery floral dress, that somehow looks like it's got great big shoulder pads and wants to go back to the 80's when you put it on. They hang out together in the back of the closet. Or the middle of the closet, if you have one of those closets with two sliding doors that make it really hard to reach the stuff in the middle. Anyway, they hang out and sometimes grab a lonely piece of clothing that gets too close and do a make over. So then Frumpy has a buddy. Lumpy. So you throw away or give away or burn Frumpy and Dumpy, and maybe even Lumpy, but it's too late. They've already got to some of your other clothes. No matter what you do, they will never really be gone. Like head lice.

Messy and Dressy aren't too bad. They both have their time at least. Except of course, if the nicest event you go to is Mommy and Me graduation, semiformal doesn't really fit the bill. So then you have to deal with the guilt of having bought this lovely dress that you keep locked up at home like Cinderella.

Holey and Hokey are obvious tossers. I mean, yes, those shorts fit you better than any shorts you've ever owned or ever will own - but get holes in three key places and those soulmates have to go. Hokey was just a mistake. Birthday clown kind of mistake. And you can't try and analyze the chain of unexpected (or chemical) events that might have taken you there, you must just laugh and move on.

Stay tuned for: The Trick to Tossing Treasured Tomes

Two birds with one stone or The cat lives on

2009-01-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

Our cat is a yowler. She makes an incredible racket whenever she wants to be petted or fed. She's on a diet too, so she's hungry a lot. We've been keeping her locked on the other side of our apartment at night, because of this yowling problem - but she stands at the dividing door when she wakes at 2 or 3 am and meows like a maniac. She also does this whenever I wake up to nurse Rosie, which is at least once or twice a night. It's amazing how angry you get after several nights of waking up to this, when you're already waking up several times to a sniffly baby. Several nights ago I had every intention of coming into the living room and stomping the cat to death with my bare feet. I didn't want the cat to suffer, so I planned to crush her spine in one blow. Maybe I should add that this blood thirst is not normal for me. :-)

But as she sensed my fell intent and escaped that night, in the morning I had calmed down and decided to let her stay in the bedroom overnight. I put her squirt bottle next to my side of the bed so that I could squirt her without getting out of bed when she started her nightly musical. Amazingly I didn't hear anything from her, not even when I got up at 5 to nurse Rose. I didn't even know where she was until I went to pull Silas' blanket up. There was the cat, luxuriously sprawled out at the foot of the crib. Also Silas, who usually gets cold at night, had nice warm feet snuggled up to the cat. I decided to squash the few motherly qualms I had about allowing a clawed, furry, dander-producing animal to sleep with my son, and let it go. So for the last three days our cat has napped with Silas, slept in his bed at night, and even kept him company when he woke up in the morning. He hasn't woken up crying the last few nights and he thought it was pretty hysterical that she was in his bed in the morning.

This solution isn't perfect, as the cat still meows sometimes when I'm awake with Rose. But gosh it's a lot better! She was really on the edge (did you know, for instance, that you can have your pet euthanized at home for a very reasonable fee?), but now she has a new lease on life. :-)

Editing pain

2007-10-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a children's story that I'm going to try and get published in a magazine. The only problem is getting it down to the right length. It's just so stinking hard to shorten your own writing! :-) I mean it's really quite amazing. I know my story is not a masterpiece or anything (and I'm not just saying that, I really do know, mentally and emotionally) yet it's still so hard to do! I keep thinking, "Well, gosh, I really need that," until I cut it, read it again, and go, "Umm, now what did I cut out again?"
Even more indicative - I cut the story from about 1400 words to 950 - and my sister, who'd read the first version, couldn't tell that I cut anything! Wow! That'll show me. So now I go to cut another 150 words. Maybe I should get a drink.